She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So much rum. So many feels.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
