You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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