you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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