Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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