the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
