i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
