I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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