After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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