Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
