1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
