hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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