You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
