Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
