Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
