he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
