dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have demons in me.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
