just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
