i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
