Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
