my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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