Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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