We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
