The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You did what with his pubic hair?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
