Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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