Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize