Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
