I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
