God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize