I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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