New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
