Just fell off a train. Bad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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