im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
