and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
