So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
