i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
