Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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