sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i came on her dog
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
