i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
