You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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