My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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