Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
