I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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