Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
