just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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