im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
