i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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