There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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