It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize