butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
