Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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