Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
