first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
