Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
