I'm so fucking centered right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize