I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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