We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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