i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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