I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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