Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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