No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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