I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
