Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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