I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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