1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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