if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize