I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize