So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hope mine doesn't look like that
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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