I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
