Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
