Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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