Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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