The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
