There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
